It is currently 2:16 in the morning, and I know I should be trying to get some sleep. I have to leave for the airport at 4:40 this morning, and my flight is at 6:55 am. I just had to write now though, despite the lateness of the hour and then level of my exhaustion, because I am leaving in a matter of hours after all.
Last night I was out late with Petra at a dance... I´ll tell you all about it in person, but it was great. Lots of dancing Finns and looooooooooooooooud music and I get to bed at about this time, 2:30 am. tonight I was out until 1 am at a concert... which was louder, if possible and all Finnish rap. Still, it was nice :) So, needless to say, with my evening adventures and then all the day time programs, I am strung out pretty thin. This afternoon I came back to Petra´s and tried to do some packing. However, I suddenly found myself having a total emotional breakdown... I totally lost it. Those who know me know that this happens sometimes, and Petra said that the same thing happened to her on the eve of her leaving too. So that made me feel better and actually the loosing it helped, in a strange way. This week has left me very confused. At the end of my stay with the Haanpää´s, I was very clear about what I liked, what I was looking forward to at home, and why I did things they way I so. I also thought I understood myself better and had worked out some of my kinks. After this week in Tallinn and Helsinki though, I am very confused about all of those things. I guess it comes from being with the other students, who are all more independent and comfortable with city life, as well as being with Petra. Those midnight jaunts are new for me! But I loved them and I want to get more comfortable with them. I think sometimes I think too much, and that confuses me. On another note, which sorta contradicts what I just said, I think I need to learn more practical things. I felt sort of stupid next to the other students, they seemed to come up with intelligent things to say and know alot about a broad range of subjects. I sometimes just nod and laugh and sit there with a question mark over my head. This is something I need to fix, any ones help will be welcome :=)
Some notable events that I was at during the last few days before I go close my eyes for a few blessed minutes:
I have gone to the Ministry of Foreign Affair Office, met the Minister of Foreign Affairs Alexander Stubb ( he is awesome by the way), I have gone to the Finnish National Archives Office and got to see some seriously huge books. I have learned about Finnish education systems, and heard some things that really made me think. I have visited the US Embassy in Finland... which was quite awful really. The board room we were in was old fashioned, stuffy, and smelled strange, and the lectures by the different ministers of the Embassy were boring and ignorant. I liked the Finnish Embassy MUCH better. I have gotten used to Finnish design in public buildings and such, and it was awful to be in that stuffy crowded room. But, the reception was nice, I really realized then how important and official this scholarship is... I met loads of important people and it made me feel important. Today we went to the Iittala factory, and got a wonderful tour of the factory, which was fascinating.
I already mentioned my evening and early morning so far... people at home: expect a really dead tired Megan when I get home.
This will be the last entry in the blog while I am writing from Finland. Can you believe it? I sure as hell can´t. What a summer though... I feel different in my mind sometimes... more mature, more accustomed to dealing with daunting things. But sometimes I feel just the same girl who left for Finland back on June 21, 2009.
Here I am, sitting at Petra´s computer at 2:35 in the morning on August 15, 2009, writing from Helsinki, Finland for the last time. I hope that it will not be the last time however. In fact, after the summer I had here, I am completely positive it will not be. My sleepy love to you all... xox Megan Gail Yeo